Ladies And Gentleman, Let’s Go Straight!
chriscotetws
- November 11 2008
- 881 views
- 25 comments
…wooden planks are totally, rad.
I’ve been noticing a few more of those penis shaped wooden planks in the water lately, and I’ve even read about them in surfboarding magazines that say they are the future. If that’s true, we can replace flips and tailslides with going straight on knee high waves as the mark of progressive shredding.
I don’t know, maybe I’m behind in the times, maybe all the research and millions of dollars spent creating new materials for surfboards is all for nothing, maybe I should take a part of my fence down and paddle out, maybe I’m a spaz, or maybe the other magazines are just trying to get people talking. If that’s the case, shit, they got me.
I’ve watched some pros ride these Alia boards and they actually look pretty fun, especially when the waves are one foot, glassy, and spinning. If I had one, I’d probably ride it (I did go SUPing the other day), it’s just funny to me that surf-bandwagons jump so fast from track to track. Old school fish, quad, SUP, now wooden planks? I’m not going for it. I’ll just be straight up and say those things are dumb.
Hopefully the lemmings of the surf world won’t fall for it this time, and please god don’t tell me I’m gonna have to start dodging beginner planketeers along with sea sweepers.
Sorry to vent, but I can’t just sit here and let other entities attempt to lead progression into the toilet. Sometimes when the bullshit hits the fan, the shit gets everywhere.
You tell me, is a wooden plank “progressive”? If so, that’s cool with me—because as a master shaper said to me recently “If all the lemmings drink the Koolaid, think about how many more waves there will be for the rest of us!”—one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard.—Chris Cote
Thoughts?
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November 11th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Brote nailed it. Besides, can’t those things give you splinters in the ding dong?
November 11th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
we’re stealing this story for our website and there’s nothing you can do cuz you stole our Cory wave.
November 11th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
that was a brilliant way to comment on a magazine that was humbled into picking a non-advertiser this year after picking the least progressive surfboard manufacter for their award last year, not to mention allowing an advertiser that makes horrible performing surfboards present the History of Shaping pullout one year and then make a surf trip with a bunch of shapers on their horrible version2 boards the main focus of the magazine the next.
November 11th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Maybe Rob Machado can turn it, i know most of us couldn’t. Either way, it’s not progressive, it’s vintage and boring. TWS wins again.
November 11th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
ya’ll need to hit the hippie lettuce and get with the brogram
November 11th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
progressive? shit no! fun? YES!
you’d get bored if the only card game you knew how to play was snap yeah?
i dig mine, its a laugh, and a cheaper wagon to jump on than the sweeper. ha!
i miss you cote.
November 11th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Cote’s right. We should all defer to TW as the leader in “progressive” surfing. It’s the magazine that showcases all things futuristic, like nailing your nuts on a wooden rail in 2-foot Oceanside shorebreak, streaking naked in the visual train-wreck that is the Cali Rally and dressing 40-year-old pro surfers in rapper costumes. Brilliant stuff. Planks are lame. Long live the Cali rally.
November 11th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I guess this means that going bimonthly is the next big thing in “progressive” surf publishing.
November 12th, 2008 at 11:11 am
man, i would think “bi” monthly is making fruity choices every month like a plank maker for a shaper of the year.
November 12th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I say, let the plank jousting begin! Imagine two plankers heading right for each other! Each surfer angling for the kill line/carve and the winner fist pumps as his plank drives into the sternum of his challenger! Could make for a fun challenge and bloody carnage in the Cali Rally next year!
November 12th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
this one has gotta rank right up there with 3D surf photography. a fad, NOT progression
November 13th, 2008 at 7:10 am
i thought there was a chance you’d expand your reader base with this article but it looks like your same 2 friends again
November 13th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
well written if your idea of progression is doing the same maneuvers as everyone else..
Progression of surfing can be made in many ways, how about fun factor? smiles, there is many ways to measure your progression i surfing,
where you really got this article right…
SURFTECH!!! BLOWS GOATS ohhh i mean RANDY FRENCH BLOWS GOATS!!!RF LIEING =THIEF
IM JUST GLAD THAT RIGHT NOW THERE IS HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF POP OUT SURFTECHS SITTING IN WEARHOUSES AND SHOPS AROUND THE WORLD… STACKED UP NO ONE WANTS THEM. PEOPLE FINALLY FIGURED OUT.
now that gas prices have gone down hopefully resin will follow
YES SURFTECH IS GOING OUT OF BUSINESSS ABOUT TIME
TO ALL OF YOU DIRTBAG SHOP OWNERS THAT SOLD inferior SURFTECHS FOR A HIGHER MARGIN INSTEAD OF PUSHING A QUALITY PRODUCT YOU SHOULD BE TAKEN OUT BACK AND SHOT!
HOW DO YOU SLEEP at night ?
November 13th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
i saw rob riding one of those boards today and he was owning it..but hes the only one..any one else is a fag that wants to be like rob. fuck stand up paddlers and wooden plank riders.
November 13th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
I heard if you grow out a big beard, cut off your skinny jeans, rock wayfarers, and walk down the beach with a plank then you’re sure to get served dome in the parking lot by all the girl’s riding fixies down the boardwalk.
November 13th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Straightboard riding? That is so 90’s… 1890’s. God, I hope everybody starts riding those things. That will make the day of the year @ Swami’s something interesting. I was going to do the door thing, but that dude Kelly beat me to it… Maybe somebody needs to ride an F-ing log. When I say log, I mean like a real honest to god Captain Cavemen log. Just break off some branches, make sure the sap is sticky for traction, and ready, break, rip.
November 13th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Only Josh Hunter knows what it means “to get served dome” This man is a legend.
November 14th, 2008 at 11:41 am
You know how they say history repeats itself. well This is one thing i say we shouldn’t repeat and instead we should progress in the technologies in surfing. Besides those things would give you splinters in the ding donger
November 14th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Is it anything like Jerz getting clocked in the Dome @ lunch? I’ve seen the video….
November 14th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
i finally got this issue in the mail today and am even more heated up about this than first hearing about it from brote. they’re trying to sell regression as progression. by no means is a wooden fucking board a step up in surfboard progression. imagine if these things actually make it in the lineup? pieces of non-leashed wood flying through the lineups because surely it’ll be gobbled just like retro fishes, quads, and SUPs all were.
November 15th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
If you’re into riding those things than you’re probably not trying to get better at real surfing.
November 18th, 2008 at 2:29 am
I’m all for calling shit like this out. The surf media needs it. Opinions should be welcomed otherwise we’d all be bored to death. If you read the article though, there’s nothing said about calling riding those wooden things progressive. There isn’t anything progressive about it, I agree.
I would rather eat dogshit than ride one of those planks. Part of that is because I’m fat and not talented enough to do that. but if you’ll notice, here you guys are running lame photos of Rob riding those things on you website. The same website that you talk all the shit. But hey, just pointing it out here.
November 18th, 2008 at 9:39 am
I love J-cain. And yes, we have photos of Rob on this website. I saw Rob the other day and mentioned to him that I should probably try out an alia board before making fun of them, but i didn’t, even through i’d rip one of those things (yeah right). Either way, trends are trends and followers will always follow. I only SUP now, even though it’s hard to get my SUP down to he beach on my scooter.
January 19th, 2009 at 12:54 am
Jeff got it right when he said if you ride on of those things you’re probably not trying to get better at real surfing (whatever real surfing is). I’ve got an alaia and at 40, my most radical surfing is probably behind me. While I still ride my shortboard when the surf’s good, I whip out the alaia when it’s small and it puts a smile on my face. It also allows me to evolve my surfing in ways that don’t involve chiropractors. And btw, kooks can’t ride these things, it’s bloody hard! So that should keep the masses at bay…