In the year of 2003, Mark Zuckerburg sat nervously in a physics class at Harvard University. His hands were clammy and he could not concentrate. Next to him sat a young adult female with at least C cups. His eyes would occasionally dart over to her chest for a swift visual visit, but he so badly wanted to stare. When he left the class that day, his appetite for the perverted went unsatisfied and his physics went unlearned. Later on that evening, he invented Facebook.
Since that day, billions of tits have been ogled incessantly via Facebook. Pixels stared at until the head aches as painfully as the heart. The whole world signed up for some ogling and this includes surfers. Facebook is excellent, but we must acknowledge that we have to behave responsibly on there. There are many very big mistakes that a surfer can make on Facebook. Huge mistakes. We must begin to exercise caution. If Biggie Smalls can write an informational song describing how exactly to distribute crack-cocaine, then I can definitely write at least four and a half decent rules of Facebook for surfers:
1) F—k saving the best for last—this is not a Taylor Steele movie. The worst possible thing you could ever do on Facebook is post surf forecast—especially when hurricanes are in the mix. It is meteorologically proven to destroy swells. Kills them. With every Facebook post about a hurricane, the wind gets one MPH weaker. Remember that.
2) In a utopian society, nudies would be fair game and posting photos or statuses about less than “well known” surf spots would be fully unlawful. Don’t share a specific outline of your surf plans on there. Dave Stansfield might see it and come out of the bushes to diddle you.
3) Stop exaggerating. Seven hour session, huh? You’re not Lance Armstrong. And ever if you were, some time in the future all of your marathon session titles would be revoked due to your abusive use of exaggeration. Also, it was definitely not eight foot today.
4) And, lastly, Mitch Coleborn probably doesn’t want to be your friend.
Follow these simple rules and avoid the diddling and (so far) lackluster 2012 Atlantic hurricane season.—Brendan Buckley
Follow TransWorld SURF on Facebook…we’ll try not to break any of the aforementioned rules.