Alex Gray should get the Wild Card.
The guy made a commercial and aired it on Fuel and local tv. He bought a $500 newspaper ad. Handed out fliers at a surf contest and spoke on the morning bulletin at his high school. “Vote for me.”
Then he brought three laptops to the bar and started signing people up. His efforts pushed him past “Shrimp” into 6th place, but he still had a 9-time champ blocking his path to glory. Damn, that round was hard.
In the final hours, Alex is in North Carolina for a Volcom contest. They go to the bar and start buying shots for anyone who votes him (highly recommended strategy, by the way). With two hours left in voting, he slips into the fifth qualifying position. Boo-yeah, right? Shots for everyone!
Wrong. Kelly Slater happens to be a tech-guy. He’s online checking the results and notices the ranking shift. Slater texts his publicist, drops one twitter bomb to approximately 80-million surf fans and promptly resumes his position. Time runs out.
Poor Alex. The judges put him in the top three. His edit was super professional — virtually a finished product. Pretty much everyone agreed it was really really good-looking. But, damn that round was hard.
Alex ain’t crying. He’s probably down at the newspaper buying more ads right now. Jotting down clever one liners for the Hermosa High morning bulletin. Borrowing lap-tops. It’s gonna be a busy day in Alex-land.
You know what, though? What about Flynn? Flynn Novak. The guy doing flips. The guy who already had a fifth place finish locked and loaded, when someone called him out on a double-up clip.
That’s bullshit. Flynn was in. Well, maybe it worked out for the best. He put his clips in the Airstrike and it netted him $50k. He went to Bali for the Padang Contest which never ended up running, and while he was stuck hanging around in paradise, he stuck a few more flips and had some friends re-edit his section.
Flynn’s on top of the world. His crazy uncle might even do the music for his section…oh wait, he’s too busy scoring the first ever musical porno (no, really). Nevermind. But still…Flynn’s coming back into the wild card ring swinging. Watch out.
Oh, wait. Hold the phone. What about Parko?
Damn, I called Parko at the beginning of last round and asked, “Dude, so what do you think of your section?”
Joel’s just leaving LAX and says, “Haven’t seen it. Why?”
Um…nevermind. Maybe call me back later. Yikes.
It wasn’t that bad, was it? Was it? You hated it? But you love Parko, right? Yeah, well, me too. We all do.
So today I get a message from Kendall O’Brien, this cool aboriginal kid who films for a bunch Billabong. Kendall says: “Finished a new Parko section today. What do I do now?”
After the chopped foot, chopped footage, chopped title-run… man, Parko should definitely get a wild card.
So, what, shit, I forgot what my point was. I emailed a bunch of other Top 10s and asked if they were gonna re-submit for this round. But none of them got back.
Meanwhile I’m getting uploads from Argentina, Nicaragua and Pakistan who think the Wild Card Round is just an international free-for-all.
Dingo? Owen Wright? Taylor Knox? Those guys should get wild cards.
Dillon Perillo should get a wild card. Spencer Sterling and Austin Smith-Ford could share one. Shaun Cansdell. Wilko. Shrimp. Cheyne Mags. And some guy who’s name I can’t even remember…they all should get one.
But “should” is just a word. The guy who actually gets the Wild Card…that’s who really deserves it. —NM