We have officially survived a day on Cali Rally, and using the word survived is no exaggeration.
The seemingly easy tasks that we have undergone have proved to take more than expected. Working against the elements is no easy affair. The Cali Rally so far has been filled with many hilarious moments. Damien said one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard, stating that he was so cold his ball bag was steaming. He then went on to
tell us about an encounter he had with a man and his wolf or whip whatever the hell he said. We had an interesting chat with some bums while Dirt was buying handcuffs and lube. We learned that Spencer becomes a diva when he doesn’t eat and that Dog Beach lifeguards suck!
Team Rusty went cougar hunting and took down some feisty felines. Apparently reef is skateable and marines like to drink, who’d of thought. After all this we even fit in a swim in the local bum shower. Completing the task we did was not made easier by the opener of the Cali Rally in which we competed in a roller derby against the other teams. As if ramming into each other on roller skates wasn’t enough, the winning team had to take on the girls. I think the girls are the reason it felt like someone shot me in the legs and back. It has been quite an adventure so far and with another week left the possibilities seem endless. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what Cote and the boys at TransWorld have in store for us.—Miles Smith
Today was a day of learning. We learned a lot of things…
We learned that roller derby is a real sport and not just the subject of movies in which your normal every day calloused hand lesbian overcomes an emotional roller coaster to become something of a champion. Real people (with possibly calloused hands) play it too! Some are hot! And we learned that it really hurts. Our friend Josie learned that, too. His shoulder got dislocated. My penis fell off. Just kidding, my penis is still intact. We didn’t win the roller derby. It made our feelings hurt.
We learned that it is possible to jump into a fountain in downtown San Diego without police intervention. We also learned that the homeless folks of OB are very friendly and have a warm presence. There was one who wasn’t so friendly and her presence wasn’t warm. It was cold! If she wasn’t a bum, she would probably be a feminist history teacher. I had a feminist history teacher once. I was on her naughty list.
We’re on a certain Jack in the box’s naughty list. If the employees of Boomers! were in charge of allocating Christmas presents, we would all be left with ugly sweaters. No PS3s! I think we went to the wrong Boomers! and had to find our own rock wall to climb. After interrupting several mini golf games, we climbed that bitch. It was like the mount everest of amusement park mountains! You know what… I think we’re gonna be on a lot of people’s naughty lists after this all said and done. Do you like naughty boys? Anyway we did a shit ton of other things, but at the end of the day this is a competition and we don’t want to show the other teams our hand yet.
PS- I made out with a 59 year old skank.
If Alaska, Virginia Beach, and anywhere else you can sell tacky t shirts and bumper stickers with a tacky slogan… “Is for lovers”, then Oceanside… “is for giving back”! We gave a kook a makeover, gave a beach a good cleaning, turned a migrant worker into a migrant surfer, and even gave some papas fritas back to mother earth before eventually landing one in Josie’s mouth.
Marines have funny haircuts. At some point, somebody will give them guns and tell them to shoot people and stuff. But, today, we gave them Quiznos and told them to eat it. I’d rather eat a sandwich than shoot someone. I’d also rather eat a sandwich than Banshee Bungee through shit creek again. Thank you to the Marine Corps for what they do. These guys were super nice! Thank you!
The Del Mar racetrack is like the NSSA nationals of horse racing. I would compare the extensive and sometimes cruel training of the horses to Kolohe Andino, but then people might throw a hissy fit. Anyway, if you replace the parents and surf coaches of nationals with drunk people in nice clothes, the Del Mar racetrack is pretty much the same thing. Some surf moms are cougars. Cougars were at the racetrack. Tommy made out with one (while on the Verizon phone). Then we saw a horse die.
We met a friendly lifeguard. His overall attitude suggested that he may be stuck in a time period when people chose to base their lives off of a Jack Keruoac novel. Maybe he bases his life off a Jack Keruoac novel. Maybe his psychedelia works for him and nets him cougars. We’re not very psychedelic. We netted cougars.
Team ERGO would like to dedicate this blog to the life of Horse number 3. May you ditch the jockey and gallop your way to horse heaven, a place where there is an infinite amount of hay, never to be confused with hey. This hay is for you, horse.
ps. I made out with a 30 yr old skank!
The 2010 Cali Rally began yesterday with a hellish Roller Derby race within the San Diego ASR. Although our team could barely make it around the derby track, we did end up placing a respectable 2nd place, and threw down some serious body checks to even the heaviest hitters (Virs Beers) on the Cali Rally. Things got a bit more blurry after that as our younger team mates pounded 5 beers while we weren’t looking and proceeded to berate our van full of men with wild claims of masculinity. Check back soon while to try to gather ourselves and actually get a few check points down.
Team Sector 9?
Team Sector 9 is somewhere out there in Southern California, possibly nude and definitely crude.
What is the Cali Rally? Find out HERE!