Coconut Wireless: Da Kine North Shore Update


The past week has been a blur. Wind, waves, rain, people, and chaos roared through the North Shore with swelling momentum. After over a week of being on hold, the Reef Hawaiian Pro used it’s last two days of the waiting period to flush out the remaining match-ups, and wrap up the “First Jewel Of The Vans Triple Crown”. Joel Centeio completely smashed the competition with style and home-field advantage. That was the highlight of the week, and I feel he deserved the win more than anyone.

Before all this went down, every night was regarded as a Friday, and any excuse to party was welcome. The raging festivities were masked with titles like “fashion show”, “art show”, “bikini show”, “music night” and even “pajama night” was implemented in the process of getting opposite sexes intoxicated and out-and-about in dark and conspicuous settings. You best believe the single community of foreign and local ragers were enjoying each other in the loose juices of North Shore slootyness!

I heard a certain girl’s ass being compared to a Foodland bag filled with water.

During the random happenings and festivities, I heard a certain girl’s ass being compared to a Foodland bag filled with water. A middle-America tourist questioning out loud, “Are the waves high or low?” And “Where are all the Hawaiians?”

Where ARE all the Hawaiians? Well, despite the sadly decreasing amount of actual Hawaiian blood in people, most local residents embody the friendly Hawaiian spirit, warmly sharing their homes with the annual load of foreign lunatics. As long as visitors respect the locals, everyone and everything is all good!—Flynn Novak