Kelly Slater Tackles The Globe

While most of the Top 45 are wandering around the Spanish coast praying for surf, Kelly Slater is globetrotting, tweeting, surfing occasionally, playing in golf tournaments, and even appearing (via cell phone) on the hit NPR radio show “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.”—Chris Cote

Kicking Ass On The Green In Scotland
Kelly and his ringer partner took third place Dunhill Pro in the team division. Basically, The Dunhill Pro is a gold tourney where a pro (Simon Dyson who eventually won the whole event) teams up with a bro (a celeb who golf’s well). The event took place in St Andrews, Scotland at a world-renowned golf course, that, according to a source who actually golf’s, “ … is one of the sickest course in the world.”

According to reports, “Dyson and Slater finished with a 72-hole betterball score of 36-under-par, eight behind the winners Soren Hansen and Kieran and McManus, and three behind the second placed team of Australian cricket captain Steve Waugh and Scott Strange.”

I don’t know what any of that means. I think betterball is where the two guys playing use whoever shot the ball the best, and toss out the dude who blew it—it’s kind of like piggyback golfing I guess. From what I hear Kelly Slater is a hell of a golfer, so I’m not gonna write him off and say that he piggybacked the pro, I’m just gonna congratulate him on getting third place in a big deal golf event.

Some other notable celebs that made the trek to Scotland were Hugh Grant (had sex with a prostitute while dating one of the hottest women on Earth), Greg Kinnear (gay guy in that one movie with Jack Nicholson), George Lopez (funny older Mexican comic), Kyle McLachlan (the dude who couldn’t get a boner on that one season of Sex In The City), and the “celeb” who I’d most like to meet, Huey Lewis … yes, of Huey Lewis And The News!

Kelly Slater's Golf Crew...

Kelly Slater's Golf Crew...

Slater On The Radio
I listen to NPR every morning in an attempt to make myself smarter, I’m pretty sure it’s not working, but I enjoy my time listening to public radio nonetheless. Last week, to my chagrin, while listening to one of my favorite shows “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me”, I heard none other than Kelly Slater on the air taking part in the ‘Not My Job’ portion of the show. Basically, a celeb calls in and attempts to answer three multiple-choice questions in order to win a prize for a regular listener. I’m not one to slurp Kelly, but I must say, he was one of the most entertaining guests I’ve ever heard on the show. Give it a listen at www.npr.org/templates/story

So there you go, Kelly’s been on a whirlwind tour, and pretty much ruling whatever he does whether it’s golf or answering strange questions about bowling on a super nerdy radio program. So the man is almost perfect, he can golf, surf, speak like a Harvard grad, rub elbows with celebs with ease, and even stay together with a woman for an extended amount of time. Yeah whatever, can you skate? Can you rap? Can you play pool? Probably—that’s why Kelly is the man we’d love to hate, but just love instead.—Chris Cote

Kelly and golf partner Simon Dyson in Scotland...not Mundaka, Spain where the rest of the ASP World Tour is. Photo: Getty

Kelly and golf partner Simon Dyson in Scotland…not Mundaka, Spain where the rest of the ASP World Tour is. Photo: Getty