Ladies And Gentleman, Let’s Go Straight!

…wooden planks are totally, rad.


I’ve been noticing a few more of those penis shaped wooden planks in the water lately, and I’ve even read about them in surfboarding magazines that say they are the future. If that’s true, we can replace flips and tailslides with going straight on knee high waves as the mark of progressive shredding.

I don’t know, maybe I’m behind in the times, maybe all the research and millions of dollars spent creating new materials for surfboards is all for nothing, maybe I should take a part of my fence down and paddle out, maybe I’m a spaz, or maybe the other magazines are just trying to get people talking. If that’s the case, shit, they got me.

I’ve watched some pros ride these Alia boards and they actually look pretty fun, especially when the waves are one foot, glassy, and spinning. If I had one, I’d probably ride it (I did go SUPing the other day), it’s just funny to me that surf-bandwagons jump so fast from track to track. Old school fish, quad, SUP, now wooden planks? I’m not going for it. I’ll just be straight up and say those things are dumb.

Hopefully the lemmings of the surf world won’t fall for it this time, and please god don’t tell me I’m gonna have to start dodging beginner planketeers along with sea sweepers.

Sorry to vent, but I can’t just sit here and let other entities attempt to lead progression into the toilet. Sometimes when the bullshit hits the fan, the shit gets everywhere.

You tell me, is a wooden plank “progressive”? If so, that’s cool with me—because as a master shaper said to me recently “If all the lemmings drink the Koolaid, think about how many more waves there will be for the rest of us!”—one of the best quotes I’ve ever heard.—Chris Cote