The U.S. Open is the coolest thing to happen to surfing since the invention of the beaver-tail wetsuit—and that’s really cool! We know you’re gonna have a great time, but why not make it the greatest time you’ve ever had? Here are ten tips to make this year’s U.S. Open the best ever. — Chris Coté
1. Get Signed For Good
Everybody gets autographs, but why not take it the extra step and get your favorite surfer to sign your arm and then get it tattooed—now you’re the creepiest bestest surf fan ever!
2. Photo Booth
If you really want some memorable photos, build your own photo booth down on the beach. Sure, the cops might arrest you and take you to jail, but before they do, there’s no telling the cool people you could get photos with in your very own U.S. Open Personal Photo Booth.
3. Dress Like A Crazy Person
There are always a few crazy people hanging out down at the U.S. Open, why not be one of them? There’s really no better way to get your photo in the magazine than to wear a G-string, paint yourself like a seagull, and dance around in front of the scaffolding all day.
4. Make A Sign
Making a “I Love Kalani Robb” sign is always good, but better yet, get all weird and make a sign that makes no sense whatsoever—“Free The Pier,” “Don’t Feed The Model Search Girls,” “Ask Me About Morning Wood”—people will ask you what your sign means, and you’ll be popular.
Surfing next to the contest area can get you noticed, especially if you consider yourself a ripper. If you think you’re really good, yell, “I rip!” at the top of your lungs every time you take off, and yell at the people standing on the pier to watch your next wave.
6. Bring Grandma
A lot of people bring their boyfriends or girlfriends and walk around like a couple. That’s really cute, but not very memorable. Why not bring your grandma or grandpa and dress them up in a skimpy bikini, walk around holding hands, and slapping each other on the backside while giggling—people won’t ever forget that sight.
7. Bury Me At The Pier
A cool thing to do to make this year awesome would be to bury yourself in the sand with just your head showing. Then put a box over your head with “Free Money” written on the side. When people pick up the box, yell at them. They might kick you in the face, but hey, sometimes fun doesn’t come easy.
8. Go Naked
You will be arrested for doing this. But showing up at the U.S. Open naked and walking around would be a pretty memorable way to get arrested.
9. Live Large
If you’re rich, rent a yacht and anchor it right off the pier. We’re not sure if this is legal, but you will be the envy of everybody on the beach when they see you dancing like P-Diddy on the roof of a giant super-yacht in a white terry-cloth bathrobe—holla!
10. Do Everything
The best way to make this the best U.S. Open ever is simple. Watch every heat, get as many autographs as you can, buy the shirt, buy the poster, buy postcards and send them to you family and friends, go to the afterparties, be there at all times! Work can wait, the U.S. Open is on!